I Fixed It

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from Lyle ( I Fixed It)

Need Glasses?

From Lyle

Which One's a Marine

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from Lyle

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-from Barb (BJ) Harrig Rutherford
This blew me away, Hope you all enjoy it too. BJ
WOW!!!!!!

This show was at Kiel Opera House in St Louis June 65.
Carson hosted....Carson had the Tonight Show.
The Rat Pack were playing Vegas.
This is supposed to be the ONLY time Carson sang in public.
Quincy Jones was conducting the Basie band, and he is visible in the background.
Do Not miss this performance.....it should make your day
Click here:

-from Dorothy Roberts Slattery (re: Missy)
I vowed not to write but I must concerning the cat that is dying.Lyle, you don't want to hear this BUT if Evelyn loved the cat as much as she claims she would put it down.The cat is kept alive for Evelyn, not for the cat. The cat will never be better and truly the best thing to be done for that cat is to give her a quick shot of whatever it is they use and it's over quickly.Yes, I have had to do it and the dog died in my arms but to let one suffer on and on is more than I could stand. I know you didn't want to hear this but I just had to.IF you REALLY love that cat, put her down. Then hug Evelyn til her ribs nearly break (take plenty of tissue).blessings for today and bright hopes for tomorrow
d............

-from Joyce Svevad Harden
Hi Don: Well, your northerners have nothing over us southerners! Dallas, TX has an official 12" of snow at the airport this morning -- the most ever recorded in the history of recording such things. It started snowing Thursday morning around 4:00 & didn't stop until this morning at 4:00. The temperature is hovering around 34 - 35 degrees though so it won't be staying long. But this is the big weekend for the NBA's All Star Game being played in Arlington at the new Cowboy stadium, so I'm sure it's going to put a damper on a lot of the activities they have planned for the whole weekend both in Arlington & Dallas. The streets are clear, though (since about 10:00 a.m.) & probably won't freeze up again until tonight, so maybe it won't be too bad.
I HATE it! Once I left Nebraska in 1961 I vowed I never wanted to see snow again, but it keeps following me wherever I go! Have a good weekend. Joyce
comment from Don: I heard on the news last night that there had been measurable snow in 49 States in the same day. Only Hawaii did not. Be sure to write when you get there Joyce!

-from Lyle
This is especially for our friends who are teachers… No matter how far our exams are dumbed down, it seems it's not far enough for today's pupils…But rather than admit defeat in the face of tricky questions, some decide to take a more creative approach to their answers. (Some of these must be college level questions.)

This one is my favorite!!!!

comment from Don: You might ask why this wasn't in the Humor Section! It would be funny if it wasn't so sad!

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-from Evelyn Madison
Great story!
This is the kind of story you need when it seems like the world is spiraling out of control.....

Not many people get a picture of this proud bird snuggled up next to them.

Freedom and Jeff

Freedom and I have been together 10 years this summer. She came in as a baby in 1998 with two broken wings. Her left wing doesn't open all the way even after surgery, it was broken in 4 places. She's my baby..

When Freedom came in she could not stand and both wings were broken. She was emaciated and covered in lice. We made the decision to give her a chance at life, so I took her to the vets office. From then on, I was always around her. We had her in a huge dog carrier with the top off, and it was loaded up with shredded newspaper for her to lay in. I used to sit and talk to her, urging her to live, to fight; and she would lay there looking at me with those big brown eyes. We also had to tube feed her for weeks.

This went on for 4-6 weeks, and by then she still couldn't stand. It got to the point where the decision was made to euthanize her if she couldn't stand in a week. You know you don't want to cross that line between torture and rehab, and it looked like death was winning. She was going to be put down that Friday, and I was supposed to come in on that Thursday afternoon. I didn't want to go to the center that Thursday, because I couldn't bear the thought of her being euthanized; but I went anyway, and when I walked in everyone was grinning from ear to ear. I went immediately back to her cage; and there she was, standing on her own, a big beautiful eagle. She was ready to live. I was just about in tears by then. That was a very good day.

We knew she could never fly, so the director asked me to glove train her. I got her used to the glove, and then to jesses, and we started doing education programs for schools in western Washington . We wound up in the newspapers, radio (believe it or not) and some TV. Miracle Pets even did a show about us.In the spring of 2000, I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I had stage 3, which is not good (one major organ plus everywhere), so I wound up doing 8 months of chemo. Lost the hair - the whole bit. I missed a lot of work. When I felt good enough, I would go to Sarvey and take Freedom out for walks. Freedom would also come to me in my dreams and help me fight the cancer. This happened time and time again.

Fast Forward to November 2000, the day after Thanksgiving. I went in for my last checkup. I was told that if the cancer was not all gone after 8 rounds of chemo, then my last option was a stem cell transplant. Anyway, they did the tests; and I had to come back Monday for the results. I went in Monday, and I was told that all the cancer was gone.

So the first thing I did was get up to Sarvey and take the big girl out for a walk. It was misty and cold. I went to her flight and jessed her up, and we went out front to the top of the hill. I hadn't said a word to Freedom, but somehow she knew. She looked at me and wrapped both her wings around me to where I could feel them pressing in on my back (I was engulfed in eagle wings), and she touched my nose with her beak and stared into my eyes, and we just stood there like that for I don't know how long. That was a magic moment. We have been soul mates ever since she came in. This is a very special bird.I never forget the honor I have of being so close to such a magnificent spirit as Freedom.

Hope you enjoy this.

Jeff

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Politics
I believe it was Robin Williams who said, "Politics! From the Latin words 'Poli', meaning many, and 'Tics', meaning Blood Sucking Creatures.

-From Lyle
In a true display of bipartisanship:

Recognition of George W. by the White House......
The Obama Administration will be honoring the 43rd President of the United States by naming the gap between the tectonic plates beneath Haiti after him.
The area will now officially be referred to as.... "Bush's Fault"

-from Julie Williams Anson

Two old ladies were attending a very long church service. One of them leaned over to the other and said: “I think my butt has gone to sleep.” The other replied, “I know. I heard it snore three times.”

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

-from Sue Carrigan Cody (How to be a gracious bitch)
HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS BITCH

Janet's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the- bride ever!

A week later, Janet was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Janet asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. ''Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,'' she replied..

Janet told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart.. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Janet asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it..."

Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.''

(NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?)

Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and
your ass is disconnected!

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-from Lyle
GOLF AND WHAT IT ALL MEANS

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

The term 'mulligan' is really a contraction of the phrase 'maul it again.'

A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ..neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the 'gimme putt', you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

SENIOR'S DAY AT THE COURSE

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons
Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7... Foursomes are encouraged..
#6.. You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5... Three times a day is possible.
#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....
#1... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

-from Lyle
Irish Virginity Test Kit

Paddy is planning to marry, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a 'Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit'...a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Paddy asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"

The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.

If she says "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...", you hit her with the shovel.'

-from Lyle (an oldie but goodie)

A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE.
THE TICKET AGENT ASKED,"SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."
"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT. "WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER.
"THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER.
HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.

THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.
"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED."WHAT?" SAID MARGE."I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."
"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?
"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"
"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED, "BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN

-from Sue Carrigan Cody (new CPR Method)
A MUST SEE, NEW CPR METHOD, NO MOUTH TO MOUTH AND WORKS BETTER. ANYONE CAN DO IT AFTER SEEING THIS ONCE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5huVSebZpM